Catching Up

     First, I just want to apologize for the long wait before this post. I have all intentions of posting once a week, but my days are long, nights are short, and days off fly by! This past weekend was family retreat at Heartlight. What is family retreat? It is a weekend beginning Friday night and ending Sunday about 6 pm. I only thought my normal days were long, this retreat made normal days look like a piece of pie! The families come in going to several different events throughout the day with Level 3 residents and above being able to go off of campus for a set period of time with parents and family. At the end of the weekend we had a graduation for four residenta who had completed the heartlight process and made dramatic changes in their life. One of them I know even accepted Chridt in her life while here. That same resident was my volleyball partner when we played volleyball during the days and events scheduled for that. Yes, I am sad she is gone, because the camus is deffinitely not the same and not nearly as loud with her gone.Her personality is defitiely addicting and whil only knowing her for two months, I would have never guessed that she had had the problems she has had. She has overcome so much and is such a strong girl, I know she will do great things with her life and with Christ by her side I can't wait to see what she does in life!
      The main event for the weekend was the soap box car derby race. Every house had to make a soap box car. There was a contest for overall car design, slalem test, downhill race, and drift test! Our guys spent about three weeks working on and building the car! Everytime we went to work on it we spent a minimum of 2 hours at the barn building it! It definitely showed as we took home first place! I have never been more proud and inspired by a group of guys as I was when I saw them come together with an idea and seeing the car come along was awesome!

The Winning Soap Box Car!
 

      Also, I am in the middle of training for the St. Jude Half Marathon that I am running on December 1. Currently the longest run I have run is 8 miles, and tomorrow is my 9 mile run. I am highly contemplating signing up to be a St. Jude Hero. What is a St. Jude Hero? A St. Jude Hero is a person that wants to do more than just run the race. They want to make a true differnce in the children's lives. They have to raise money to help with the day to day operations of St. Jude. For those that do not know St. Jude is a free treatment facility for all patients. Costing over $1.8 Million dallars a day to operate St. Jude, I can not help but want to help in anyway I can. Yes, I have had a long hard road for over two years loosing 130 pounds, but this is nothing that these children have to overcome in a lifetime. This will be by far the single most hardest endurance test I have ever had to do in my life-but at the same time it is probably the single most excited I have been for any event. Who would have thouht I would be excited about running! Definitely not me!!! If I do sign up to be a Hero I will post the site on the blog if anyone is interested in donating to St. Jude. Just know you will not be donating to me but to a great hospital all inspired and started from a prayer by Danny Thomas to St. Jude, the saint of lost causes.
     Please keep Heartlight, staff, residents, and myself in your prayers. God's hand is over this place and special things are beginning to happen!!!



Movement

     After our recent house meeting, the residents are starting to want to dig deeper into the Bible. We have agreed to have a Bible study starting this coming Sunday night. I am nothing but excited about this opportunity. As I have said in several previous blogs that one of my main prayers is that they seek to know the Lord, and that the Lord will move in their lives and hearts so that they will want to and grow to know the Lord. Yes it will be a slow process, but we all at one time or another had to start our relationship with jesus somewhere. The guys are starting to really answer the challenges taht Jason, Stephen, and I are setting before them. They are starting to challenge themselves and each other in a way that I don't think they have ever before been challenged. Personally, actively, spiritually, and emotionally, they are answering the challenges set before them by house staff, councelors, and residential directors!
     As of recently, my trust in the Lord is being tested like never before sice arriving at Heartlight Ministries. In the past three weeks my family has had two deaths. My great uncle (on my dad's side), and my cousin (on my mom's side). The hardest part is talking to the parents and knowing that you can't be there with them since i am six hours away. All I have to go off of is their word that they are doing ok and will be fine. Yes, I believe them, but it is still hard! Family is family-plan and simple. Trusting the Lord that He IS watching over the family, not just mom, dad, and sister, but the entire family especially during this tough time is challenging because if I was able to be with them the compfirt would be evident.
     Then the Lord has is way of comforting you in times of trouble as He did last night during the Q&A event. Last night topic was Hill Billy Handgrenades. I dressed in some old jeans that were four sizes too big short cut blue jean shorts and a white t-shirt with bluejean material armband. I looked like and felt like I was back in the 'Sip....hahaha. Handgrenades you ask yourself?! What the heck are handgrenades! What it came down to was dodgeball with sponges that were soaked in waterdown water based paint. If anyone that knows me knows I love dodgeball, whether at DSU Intramurals or at O.K.R.A. Kamp against 6-12 year olds. it was an epic night and one of the mst fun Q&A's thus far. Even staff that has been there for a year or so was saying how fun it was! After the event was over we began throwing the paint at each other by the cup full! The Lord has His ways of keeping us young and telling us that everything is going to be just fine!
     "Trust in the Lord forever, for the Lord God is an everlasting rock."---Isaiah 26:4
     Please keep praying for Heartlight, the residents, and staff!




After Hill Billy Handgreades

Home at Heartlight

     Well it as been about ten days since I have updated the blog. I apologize to anyone who is reading the blog. Please understand from 7:15ish when I wake up until 10:30ish when I get to bed I am constantly busy. Whether it is in school with the guys, in meetings, trainings, cooking meals for the house, or working, I am constantly busy. My goal was to update the blog a couple times a week, but that was before I arrived at Heartlight and started working. In reality now, I think once a week is good, for there is stuff that I want to share as far as God working on these kids but I can't do to confidentiality. That is where the power of prayer comes into play! Don't stop praying-for the residents-for the staff-for me-and for Heartlight.
     My days off are noramlly Friday through Sunday, but this week they are Monday through Wednesday, meaning I will work 9 days straight starting tomorrow until next Friday. It is nice for a change, because the weekends are relaxing and filled with fun activities and different events, but I am excited about going with the guys to church on Sunday! As refreshing as the change is, I won't lie it is awesome having the weekends off to chill and watch football. I think that out of all the weekends off that this is the weekend I would like to have off the most so far. There area a group of guys going to a lake in Arkansas to camp. I was asked, "Paul, do you camp?" My reaction, "Ummmm-yeaaa!" I was quick to describe my Eno, what it was, and am letting them borrow it. They had never heard of an Eno!!!
     A group of about seven or so of us went to lunch today to a place called Beth's Cafe. IT WAS AWESOME!!!! The inside reminded me of Al la carte in Cleveland, but the food reminds me of a place you'll see on Diners-Drive In's- and Dive's. It was homemade food. The first "homecooked" meal I've had in six weeks or so now. Just sitting around and talking to the people reminded me so much of supper club and hanging out with friends in Clarksdale and Cleveland. A sense of peace and calm hit me that this is home for at least the next year, that these people are more than co-workers, they are family. As cliche as that sounds, it is true! For they didn't have to invite me to eat with them, but they knew I was off so they did! God has put me in Texas for a reason. As unsure of what that reason is when I took the job, I know I am going to be ok. I am working eeryday just as the kids are to 'win the day' to get better and become a stronger person.
     Last Wednesday, I gave my testimony during Bible study. It was one of the most nerve racking moments of my life I have to say. Why you ask? Imagine it, sitting in front of a room of residents whom you are supposed to be there to help guide, lead, and basically be a mentor for to and through their problems. At this point you are no longer their housing staff, you are equal to them: admitting to them your struggles through life, your up's and down's, high's and low's, and battles you have faced and continue to face daily. It is not an easy thing to do. once I began to speak the words just came out. I was talking yes, but thinking back on it I honestly do not know if I was in control of what I said. Closing the bible study, I used a verse that has helped me multiple times: Ephesians 2:4-10. For any of you that know me, know my struggles, battles and basically know my testimony. I honestly feel admitting my past and present guilts to the residents, I am now more connectible to them. I am more than the new staff but they can now see me as someone that wants to and is willing to help.
     As of this morning, I am officially done with my training and all that lacks now is a meeting with Blake and or Corry as far as an overview of the training and I will be officailly fully trained!!!

A Month Later

     Last Thursday, September 6th, was the one month anniversary of my being at Heartlight. Man how does time fly!! I rememebr packing, saying bye to family and friends, and making the drive to Heartlight as if it was only yesterday. In the month that I have been here I have already learned so many things about myself that I never even thought imaginable. Yes, ever since my interview, I had been told that this job would teach me things about myself that I wouldn't have ever thought possible. In all reality I didn't know what Corry, Blake (who interviewed me), Jo- a residential director for one of the girls cabins, and several other staff were talking about. I was then told the same thing once I arrived here on my first day.Well it took about a day and a half for me to realize that my patience would be tested just about every day. But more than the physical aspects I would learn, have learned, and continue to learn more about myself on a spiritual level more than I thought I could have. Every day- every single day- is a battle, a constant struggle to not only need to but want to get into the word. Yes I have slipped and fallen, I'll be the first to admit that, but what keeps me going is the simple fact that His love is so great for us that we are already forgiven for our sins. Yes I know this doesn't make sin acceptable, but in my opinion I am able to live my life to the fullest while having the confidence and knowledge that His grace is enough! I ask for your constatnt prayers for my having to lean on Him every day is definitely more evident in this past month and in the coming future than I have had to before.
     To follow up on my last blog post- my training in just about to an end. Once I have completed my first aid/CPR/water safety training I will be a fully trained staff. I will then go through a 30 day period in which I am "unofficially officially trained." This means I am fully trained but I am not allowed one on one with a resident out of sight of a fellow trained staff, excluding point times. In closing, please continue to pray for heartlight, Heartlight staff, myself, and the residents!
    

Training and Such

     As I sit on a couch at a fellow staff members house watching football I am thinking about this past week of what was and the future of what will be. My training is just about complete and then I will be 'officially' staff. By this I mean that until I am fully trained I am not allowed by myself (out of sight of a fellow trained staff member) with a resident. You might be asking yourself, "How long does it take to get trained?" Well honestly it only takes about three weeks which may seem like a long time, but when you are responsible for the lives of anywhere 4-8 residents at one time by yourself, I am willing to go through the training program without rushing. Although I have been here for four weeks, the first two weeks was break period so all the residents were not here and I didn't start training until last week for that fact. I am currently going through the training process with four other people. Eric Brewer-from Indiana, Kim Cook-from Houston, Hannah Brandenburg-from St. Louis, and Allison Kozloski-from St. Louis. I believe they were waiting on them to arrive before starting my training so there will only be one training at a time.
     Point times are were I truly feel I will be able to find out the hearts of my 'point time guys'. What is point time? Point time is your time at least once a week (usually more than once) that is spent one on one with your guys. This is where you get to know them and they get to know you. From the few points times I have listened in on the kids are open and willing to share their life stories with you and for the majority are wanting to change. I honeslty feel as long as they are willing, I will be able to relate to and help them in some form or fashion. As I stated in my last blog my hope is that I will fill accomplished when my time is done here and I have possitively affected the lives of at least one resident.
      There is one resident whom I believe I will have as one of my point time guys that is starting to grow from the ground up in his faith. Yes it is a slow slow process but as everyday comes so do the questions about the Bible, God, and what to read at night time. Right now, he is an open book ready to be filled with the knowledge, love, and awesomeness of God. He has even mentioned to Stephen and myslef to sit down with him a day or two a week and read and discuss the Bible. YESSSS!!!! That has been my prayer since accepting the job-even before i moved here. My prayer was for God to begin his miraculous works in the hearts of the residents that they will want to and long for his love and grace! How powerful and awesome! This only gives me hope and strength to keep on keeping on when the road gets hilly and bumpy. God has put me here for a reason and I am starting to fully recognize that. Yes, everyday is a challenge. Yes, this will be one of the-if not the toughest year of my life. Yes, I am prepared (at least I feel like I am). Yes, my strength in the Lord is stronger now than it has EVER been-which frankly I will need and want. Yes, this will be a rewarding year, as I will learn tons about myslef. My seatbelt is buckled and strapped on tightly. I am ready-I am the Lord's clay for the molding.
     Please continue to pray for the residents, staff and Heartlight as a whole.

Ephesians 2:10- For we are the workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, Which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them.
   

Hope

     I have started the training process. Day 1 is complete as of 3:30 P.M. today. I am an open book right now waiting, learning, and eager to be fully trained. The kids in my house are awesome. They are full of life and I can only HOPE, PRAY, and WISH they continue to grow and become as eager to open up as I am eager to help them. The attitude in the house is awesome. But after talking to staff, that may or may not be a good thing. For that is when we must be on our P's and Q's. My prayer is that the house will keep the positive, encouraging, and motivational attitude that they have had since I have gotten here. Every week we as staff ( Stephen, Jason , and myslef) set a goal for the guys to try to meet and live up to. This weeks goal just happens to be for the kids to be more motivated-for themselves and to keep the other residents to motivated. They are big into fitness, working out, running, and being active-which is an instant connecting factor for me. Once I get fully trained I have already had two or three kids in house tell me they will run with me when I start training for my half-marathon. Back to the topic at hand-HOPE! Like I was saying, I can honestly tell that the kids want so much to change, and we has staff can only push them and challenge them so much. My HOPE is that my (our) prayers continue to flow in and work!
     As you all know I have been blessed/cursed with a big heart. My heart longs for these kids because I can honestly and truthfully tell that they are good kids. Honeslty, they remind me of the way I was/am growing up. The energy the kids have reminds me of the passion for life that I have recently discovered. The balance between grace and action has already shown to be challenging. With this job comes a rollercoaster of emotions. Highs-lows-and every possible emotion available under the moon in between is and will be involved with this job. One of the hardest things about this job is going to be to not take anything personal, last night only proved that. I have been told by several people that letting things get under your skin will make you not enjoy this job. You have to keep the big picture in mind. God is bigger than anything we can or could imagine. If being called a name is what it takes to shoe God's love then bring on the names.
      My devotion this morning only reassured me that there is HOPE and one day it will prevail. If not while they are here once they have graduated. We are tillers of soil, making them ready for seeds to be planted.
    MY DEVOTION:
    "You are walking along the path I have chosen for you. It is both a priviledge and a perilous way: experiencing my glorious presence and herading the reality to others. Sometimes you feel presumptious to carry out such an assignment. Do not worry about what others are saying about you. The work I am doing in you is hidden at first. But eventually blossoms will burst forth and abundant fruit will be born. Stay on the path with me and trust me completely."
     As I always do, I close asking that yall start/continue to pray fro Heartlight, these kids, staff and myself. Thanks!
   

Something Special

     As the kids return from break I am staring to get the realization of how unbelievable the power, grace, and love of God can be. I am also starting to realize how amazing and awesome a place like Heartlight is.You could honestly see the joy on not only the kids faces from how great their breaks went, but on the parents faces as well. One of true enjoyment from spending QUALITY time together, not just being together but whole heartedly enjoying one anothers company and being a family again for the week. While talking to Jason Frey, my fellow residential staff and house director tonight, he stated something that hit home hard! He said, "It is days like today, and moments like that, that make you feel like you're actually doing something and making a diffence." BOOM!!!!
      Last semester, I was in a bible study with guys from the Wesley Foundation at Delta State. At one of our first events we were asked, "If you could do anything in the world without any chance at all of failure, what would it be?" Immediately I knew my answer. It was one that is simple, yet complex at the same time (kind of like me). I would 'make a difference and help others'. Done, end of discussion, game set and match. That is all I would want, and simply that's all I've ever wanted in life is to help others and make a differnce. I say this NOW not for slef gratification, but for the fact that if I can help someone and they can see the joy and compassion in me, I honestly feel that I can spread God's love. My devotion this morning: "The world will know Him by the love that you show to one another" (John 13:35). I totally hadn't planned on blogging any of this paragraph but it kinda just came out, but it fits the topic at hand.
     If you were to have asked me that same question two years ago, you would have gotten the same answer, because helping others is something I have always enjoyed, but for the wrong reasons and motives. In the past, I helped others yes, but for self gratification, and the sole purpose that it made me feel good about myself. A pride issue so to speak. There is no doubt I have made the right decision in coming to Texas. As hard as it was to step out of my comfort zone it is the step the strengthens ones faith and trust in God. After all, Peter had to step out of the boat to see if he would not sink. In closing, please continue to pray for Heartlight, the kids, staff, and myself. I can not wzit to see what God has up his sleeve and in store for the next year!!!

Break Week

New Lodge-the lodge I live in.

This week is what is called break week. It is the week between when summer ends and the school year begins. Coming from several staff, including myself, it is the perfect week to have arrived. Not all of the kids are here, but there are some here. It is a good time to get to learn the names of the staff, kids, and even get a feel for how the days usually are run. A quick run down on how the days have been thus far (just for break week), I am sure the school year is different to some degree. Wake up, wake the students up, and they do morning chores while we get breakfast out for them (waffles, cereal, milk, oranje juice--stuff like that). After breakfast we have a morning activity, today was trash run-yesterday was canceled do to run-Tuesday was paintball-Monday was horses. After morning activity we have open time then lunch. Following lunch is evening activity, work activity, exercise/chill/open time while dinner is being made. Dinner then evening chores. The days have been going by quick, but by the time I am in bed, I am worn out!! Like I said this week is a great week for me to learn the ropes of how Heartlight is run and to get to know the kids that are here. attached are some pictures of the cabins and different things on campus! Please keep praying for the kids, staff, Heartlight, and me as well! The biggest obstacle once fully trained will be balancing grace and discipline!



Entrance at Heartlight.

Horse Barn

South-two of the girls cabins.

The school.

Some of the horses. There are 22 of them.

I HAVE ARRIVED

     The car was packed, belly happy from mother's spaghetti lunch and bananna pudding dessert, and gas tank on full-all that was left was for me to say see you later to the parents and head west into the sunset. Easier said than done. For I knew the parents would cry but me I would be just fine, so I thought. Shortly after a "proper hug" from mother, (if you have seen the blind side you know waht I am talking about) I turned and there was father. The man who had raised me and molded me into the person I have become today. The man that if i am half of what he is will be successful in all I do. He was standing looking at me, and immediately I flashed back to after my last highschool football game in which I cried in his arms for what seemed like eternity, but in all actuallity was probably a minute or two. Back to present day: I once again was in his arms, once again crying. Why? The only possible answer I can think of is because all the upbringing, all the responsibility, all the becoming who I am today was about to get in the car and drive five and a half hours west for my first 'big boy job'. After the unexpected emotional see you laters (on my part) to the parents I went to see Chrisa Doss before heading out. She was very quick to point out that I have "crying eyes." I guess my trying to wipe away the tears didn't work very well. O well- that's just the person I am. I was blessed (at times one may say) cursed (depending on the situation) with a big heart.



The Sunset

     Five hours later I was on Highway 80, I think it is, about ten miles from Heartlight driving directly into a sunset. If you know me you know I am a sucker for an awesome sunrise/sunset do to a retreat I went on one time, Driving into the sunset was God's way of comforting me, wrapping his loving arms around me and saying you will be fine my son. I was instantly comforted.
     I soon arrived and began unloading my car. While moving into the cabin I will be living in, I met my fellow residential staff that I will be living with. Jason from Chicago, and Stephen-I forget where he is from. I will begin tomorrow with orientation/paper work. Most of the kids are on break until school resumes so i will be able to get adjusted before they arrive back in full force.

Entrance into Heartlight

TODAY IS THE DAY!!!

      A new chapter begins. A new opportunity. A new ADVENTURE! Only this time I am not in control. God has His hands firmly on the reigns. I am His for the using in hopes of bringing someone closer to him. In a hour or so I will begin the 5+ hour and over 300 mile drive to a liitle town in east Texas called Hallsville. If you are like where the heck is Hallsville, it is 9 miles east of  Longview. Still lost?!? Hallsville is about one hour west of Shreveport, LA or three hours east of Dallas, TX. For those of you that know me, you are probably asking yourself, "What kind of crazy, adventurous, wacky something have I gotten myself into this time?" Well I am going to be a residential staff member at a christian based boarding school for problem teenagers. The name of the school is called Heartlight Ministries. When I say problem teenagers, I mean drug, alcohol, and disciplinary problems. I was totally and completely blown away when I went out there for my interview. Meeting 14 year old children that were living the life that these teens are/were living tore me to pieces. For when I was 14 I am not even sure if i knew what drugs were. I was too busy playing sports, trying to be cool, while at the same time impressing my junior high crush, NOT doing/dealing drugs. By the end of my second day at Heartlight I could honestly tell that the kids I had met and talked with were normal kids like you and I were at their age. As cliche as it might sound they had been dealt a bad hand and made some life altering decisions that led them to were they were now-causing my heart to hurt for them even more. If anyone were to tell me two years ago, heck even as of last summer, that I would be one day working at a place like Heartlight Ministries, I would have laughed them into the ground. For I had my life planned out then BOOM!!!! God stepped in with the mighty authority that only He possesses. If you know my story, you know what I;m talking about. If not here is a very very quick summary. I appled to PT school two years ago, but somehow my transcripts from CCC and Northwest weren't ever sent. This led to my application being incomplete and me having to apply the following year. Needless to say I was mad at the Lord, and was at a all time pit in my faith. So I waited and applied again. Got an interview, felt confident about the interview, and did NOT get in. Yes I was upset but did not let myself go to were I did the previous year.  This led me to wondering if PT school was for me at this current time or even at all. This job at Heartlight presented itself in March and in July after dozens of job applications and a couple of interviews, the job was still available. So I applied and got an interview and was offered the job while on the interview. Prior to going to Texas for the interview, I was presented the youth minister job at Our Lady of Victory Catholic Church in Cleveland. Great two jobs now wanted me when two days later I had none!!! What to do!!??! About a week later only a short and restless nights sleep after I was on the verge of loosing all control of my tears while talking to mom and dad because I was completely and utterly confussed on what to do. I read a passage from a book about St. Francis of Assisi and how Jesus appeared to him in a dream while he was in the army asking St. Francis, should you 'serve the servant' or 'serve the master'. BOOMTOWN!! DONE and DONE!! There was my answer. I was to busy trying to decide what Paul wants to do i had lost sight of serving the Master. Yes both jobs would be awesome but with Cleveland comes things that Paul wants, "serving the servant" so to speak. I was to accept the job in Texas the next day! Fast forward three weeks to today. I woke up excited but as the day progressed I got nervous. "Have I made the wrong decision?" Then I opened up my devotional called Jesus Calling (highly recommended). The second sentence says, "Rest in my sufficiency, as you consider the challanges this day presents. Do not ware yourself out wondering if you can cope with the pressures. Keep looking to me as we walk throught this day together." Instant relief. The Lord has got my back as He always has only if I knew that two years ago!!! I ask yall to pray for not only me, but the teenagers, fellow staff , and Heartlight in general! Let the adveture begin! JOSHUA 1:9